Original naslov: Nezamenjivo u nama
Šta se to u meni desilo? Poverovala sam u nezamenjivo stanje stvari, u nezamenjivost osobe, u nezamenjivost ljubavi, u nezamenjivost prioriteta. Kako je moguće da odrastao čovek sa svim teškoćama i beneficijama koje život donese i odnese pomisli da se nešto podrazumeva? Kako se čovek nikada ne navikne na brzinu sudara vozova?
Već vam na početku zvučim nerazumno, možda ću u nekim momentima zvučati i teško, ali moram vas pitati verujete li vi u tu nezamenjivost?
Ja sam negde, verujući, usput izgubila osmeh. Pozajmila sam ga daljinama koje me kad-kad podsete da nisam lepa bez njega. Nekad sam davno volela ljude. Sad se, ne čudite, gadim toga. Pa zar njima poverih vedrinu i poverovah u to da će me čuvati?
Niko ništa ne čuva. Čovek je satkan od sebičnosti, od zla, od gneva i od ponosa, a prag tolerancije svako prilagođava pa trpi tu, sebi zadatu, nezamenjivost. E, onda reči, onda gaženje, pa negde se stigne… U stvari, nigde…
Jeste li se zapitali da li ste nezamenjivo srećni? Možda nezamenjivo nesrećni? Možda nezamenjivo usamljeni, a možda nezamenjivo puni samosažaljenja? Zašto čovek želi silom da sačuva nešto i želi da natera nekog na nešto? Nigde tu nema nezamenjivosti, već prolaznosti. Prolaznosti koja sa sobom odnese celog tebe, pa se vrati po drugog tebe, a ne živimo živote. Život nas drži.
I tako ja u mraku, u stvari, tražih pravu reč. Prolaznost je zaista nezamenjiva. I dok izranjavana pišem ovu skupinu reči, mislim baš na tebe, i na tebe, a i na vas, jer razumeli smo se baš u ovoj noći kada smo shvatili da moramo da shvatimo, kada smo prihvatili da moramo da prihvatimo, kada smo prolazno samo delom okrznuli rečima da ćemo se pripremiti na to da ode. Da pustimo da ode.
Jer samo je prolaznost nezamenjiva, a ako stari život ostane tu – nestaće nas.
Objavljeno na: https://kutijaljubavi.wordpress.com/2017/08/11/nezamenjivo-u-nama-milica-savic/
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